Subversive Motherhood

Today a memory appeared to me on Facebook, about an article published on eldinamo.cl: “Motherhood is a prison; the father is free, but the mother is not”, which roughly explained the thinking of the writer and activist for women’s rights in the Middle East, Nawal El Saadawi. The article is noticeably short, but has a couple of quite controversial and high-caliber quotes: “Women end up oppressing themselves … We need to be aware of the oppression of culture, politics, religion and motherhood.” A year ago, when I shared the post on my profile, the title of the text made me dig into my own motherhood; the motherhood of friends, acquaintances or even strangers, were we all there, in that discussion about the mutilation that motherhood causes in this society? The truth is, you get used to the life you “chose”, because it is easier to keep laying dirt on the heap we have, than to start digging into something that bothers us to look at.

Nawal El Saadawi, was born in Egypt in 1931; she was genitally mutilated at the age of 6, at 10 she was offered in marriage, but fortunately her mother objected; She was orphaned at an early age and remained in the care of one of her grandmothers until she came of age. From a very young age, she was interested in the rights of Muslim women, especially and dedicated her life to validating the role of women in the Middle East. She was awarded several times for her contribution to the feminist cause and is said to be one of the pioneers of the second wave of feminism; she was called the Simone de Beauvoir of the Middle East.

After reading a little about Nawal and the long struggle he gave in an absolutely misogynistic society such as the Muslim one, where he even had to pay with jail to expose his vision on equality between men and women in his country and throughout the Middle East , I was left with the feeling that regardless of the fact that our society seems to be less strict about women’s rights, we continue to maintain an inactive role in improving the lives of those who have decided or who have been assigned to be mothers.

In Chile, the percentage of single-parent families has increased significantly, most of which are made up of a female head of household and one or more children. According to the Casen survey, in the last 25 years the number of women heads of household has tripled reaching 39.4%, it also indicates that households headed by women tend to face higher levels of economic vulnerability compared to men.

According to the study “Elective single parents in Chile: Emergencies, tensions and perspectives (Irene Salvo Agoglia and Herminia Gonzálvez Torralba, Alberto Hurtado University):“ Historically, the exercise of motherhood has been drawn as a mandate associated with the condition of subjection in which The patriarchal system has placed women, defining their identities and subjectivities, in a complex relationship in which the fulfillment of this mandate even provides a basis for recognition, inclusion and social status. Furthermore, this social mandate has had to be fulfilled from certain conditions defined by heterosexual marriage, sexuality associated with procreation and the close link between the exercise of motherhood and the institution of the family. Faced with this, the contributions of feminist criticism have been central in opening the reflection on the phenomenon of motherhood and in questioning its timeless and universal nature that associates it with the feminine identity essence.”

On the other hand, but pending the same thread, the number of parents who decide not to fulfill their role both emotionally and economically with their children, is such a normalized issue that it does not seem strange to anyone that so many women must face the complex maternal role alone; it is basically part of the idiosyncrasy of our society that men step aside and finally women are faced with filling all the roles. Just speaking in the case of alimony debts, 84% of the pensions are owed, which gives us a bleak vision. Recently, and before the withdrawal of 10% of the pension funds, the number of applicants for withholding said amount reached more than 160 thousand due to unpaid pensions.

After reading the El Dinamo article, I faced my own motherhood; because being a mother was a conscious and desired decision, but one that has faced that less favorable side, having to fulfill all the roles and more. Being a mother, in a society in which there are no public policies that give us the necessary floor to give our children a decent life, and above all, give us back the role of active and valued women, is like climbing a mountain without having the implements necessary. If a woman decides to be a mother; because yes, it must be a decision, not a social imposition, it is necessary that we face this huge elephant in the middle of the room, which is the lack of security and opportunities, above all, because we are more vulnerable economically, and it is not at all because lack of skills, if not because in our daily lives we face issues such as: childcare, housing, education, low wages, stigma, etc.

I do not want to pass on the vice of mistreated motherhood to my daughters, I want them to decide to be women in the role that they decide, without pressure and without impositions, but I want them to have the option, and that this option is not a sacrifice for them, and neither does it take away their freedom to develop in any field, due to the lack of a state that protects children and mothers; a state that offers them support, and that they do not suffer the fear of being mothers and being left alone, like many before them, like us.